Mafia Gazette Past Issue 9
25th August, 2005 'MUGGING DEBATE CONTINUES' By: Knox The recent furore over mugging continues unabated this week, with mobsters adding their voice to the issue in the general spirit of disagreement that usually precedes a slowing in business. With the spirit of a latter day Joe Colombo, Boss Nicholas-B took to the streets to declare open war on those who would seek to threaten the established order of “organised“ crime. Capo-Regime veterans and more experienced soldiers alike appear largely in agreement that the current era is one of relative peace and prosperity, with more than one street boss heard to candidly point out that business is about: “Putting food on the table.” The other side of the argument however, saw a young man named carmine_Russo take to the New York streets to argue passionately in favour of mugging. The fact that the young man spoke eloquently and with a passion stopped a few would-be detractors from heckling him off his makeshift podium. However his brutal murder later that day from a number of gunshots wounds has the subsequent police investigation following what they say is a “definite” line of enquiry involving organised crime and leaving the impression of a plea that has fallen on the deaf ears of bemused mobsters. With police continuing to make record numbers of firearm seizures from various mob and otherwise unconnected individuals, indeed, Peter Johnson of the LVPD described seizures in that city for this week as: “Significant”. Despite the number of mugging-related murders, which continues to rise, there is a general feeling on the streets that save for the biggest families on the Mafia crime scene, any form of central enforcement within the community will be an up-hill struggle. 'LOVE SOUGHT ON THE STREET ' A man was seen earlier today searching the streets for the love of his life. He was caught nailing notices to telegraph poles and staring at young ladies as they passed him. The man, joecontii is in search of a bride to keep him company as he heads up the promotion ladder, and said he is looking for a strong woman who likes Italian food, classic tracks from female singers and being treated like royalty. His reason for looking in this fashion is that he has been busy but realised recently that he is missing a vital part of his life: not spending time with a witty and intelligent woman. We at the paper hope that there is a woman out there that will fall for this Sicilian gent with his love of fine cigars, fine dining and romance. 'SUSPECTED ARSON AT VEGAS CASINO' By: T Firanca Gun crime in the Las Vegas proved a dramatic new height yesterday as a mafia-owned casino burned to the ground. The Renato, a casino on The Strip was attacked in the early hours of the morning, supposedly by a rival gang. LVPD officers are still trying to piece together an account of the rapid actions of Monday night, as police chief Andrew Pedanski revealed-"There were no witnesses that have come forward, and the bodies we have found, not too high a number at present, are unidentifiable", he commented as he suckled on a doughnut. Reports so far do suggest that the casino was linked to the Seletzi family, another case of 'blossoming' crime in southern America. Possible gang members may have fled the scene not long after. Police are on the lookout for a black sedan that has been reported missing. The gang godfather Vitor Seletzi Jr. has been on police books for over 6 months after playing a part in numerous incidents in the South Side of 'The Meadows', however his role was never proved, and he went into hiding. One thing IS for certain- this is no safe city anymore. 'NEWSPAPER SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE ' The Gazette will now be offering a subscription service for anyone wishing to receive the Mafia Gazette by mob mail or post. Subscriptions will cost$200 per week, $380 per fortnight, $700 per month or $5,000 for a lifetime subscription (post option only for fortnightly, monthly or lifetime subscriptions). All subscriptions will start from the day after subscription fees are paid. Please contact Tallulah for details of subscriptions or to apply to deliver the Gazette weekly subscriptions'.' Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact Tallulah, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. ' 'WALKING THE WIRE Comment By: WireRope MY WORST DAY SO FAR When I returned to these cities after a long time abroad I was happy to see the Mafioso were starting to get their act together and making our streets a much more enjoyable place. However, today my opinions on the safety and happiness available in these cities were totally changed. I was in Las Vegas going about my business, visiting bars and talking to friends. I decided I was interested in buying a bar, so was carrying a considerable amount of money. A character called Moon then mugged me. In self-defence I fired two shots at him killing him on the second. By this time I had returned my remaining money to the bank. However, a second character by the name of Sun, who I assumed to be a close friend of Moon, tried to mug me. Again I retaliated in self-defence, first by attempting to mug the criminal and then by shooting. My actions got me sent to jail. As an experienced Mafioso I know the risks of carrying a lot of money and of trying to kill other characters. Attempted murder is a crime after all, even if it is self defence, and an action that would make the streets safer, so I was not to shocked or horrified that I got sent to jail. On arrival I realised that I had not been the only target of Sun. As I expected he soon arrived in jail to. To try and rid myself of this problem once and for all I attacked him with a screwdriver. Perhaps it was rage clouding my vision, but I still attacked him in a police station, so had my shank removed and my sentence increased. Once out I decided to dispose of this waste-of-space character by shooting him dead. After what I had heard in the jail this was no longer just for my sake, but for the sake of many others. However, on my first shot, I got returned to jail and had my gun removed. It was an action that truly sickened me. Today two unprovoked members of the community attacked me. They stole $17,000 or my money, and in trying to protect others and myself I also lost a shank and a gun, which I had had to pay for. The real criminals here are not the two men who attacked me. They were just misguided. No, the real criminal is the corrupt, merciless, dangerous police force who “protects” us in this city. What lesson have I learnt today other than trying to protect yourself, your money and your comrades is pointless as you will lose more than the criminals could ever take. I am using this article to plead with the powers at be that the police force be reorganised and retrained so that they can help us rather than punish us. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ...Puck And Pastor are conspiring together to have a friendly auction to sell themselves off. While sitting behind these men in a restaurant we heard that Claudio can not bid. ...Miguel has been kidnapped. At least that’s the only excuse his wife can think of for him not coming home in the last week and a half. ...Tallulah’s Speakeasy has the best homemade soup on mafia. And that’s not really gossip. It's the gosh darn truth! 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to Tallulah at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. ------------------------------------------- Psycho exes getting you down? "Confused" elderly relatives getting under your feet? Or simply fancy a break away from it all, with a nice course of anti-psychotic and/or tranquillisers thrown in? Then simply call into St.MoneyZeb's for the Mentally Infirm! For a small (ish) weekly fee we will gladly lock away those troublesome relatives, practice lobotomies on obsessed admirers, and issue dubious prescriptions. Our (comparatively) state of the art facilities are unrivalled, and our fully trained staff offers therapy, restraints and imprisonment as required. Call -800 MENTALISTS- for more information. SPECIAL OFFER** For a limited time only, each new patient will receive one free crate of St.MoneyZeb's Own Brand Mineral Water - As pure as Virgin's Drool. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- GAZETTE RECRUITING: WRITERS: We are currently looking for writers to work for the newspaper on a full-time basis. Anyone wishing to apply please send a sample of your work to Tallulah. Salary negotiable. NEWSPAPER DELIVERY: Need a part time job to bring in a few extra dollars? We are looking for people to deliver the Mafia Gazette via mob mail to our weekly subscribers. Please contact Tallulah for more details. 'REFERENCES' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=15. Browse • • • • • • •